“How many ‘f’s’ in ‘catastrophic’?”
2006. Rated PG-13. Directed by Bryan Singer. Starring Brandon Routh, Kate Bosworth, Kevin Spacey, James Marsden, Parker Posey, Kal Penn, Frank Langella, and Marlon Brando’s reanimated voice.
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I’ve been wanting to write this article for a while, but what better time to re-examine Superman Returns, one of the worst superhero movies of all time, than after the runaway success of The Dark Knight, probably the best superhero movie of all time. Superman Returns came out a year after Batman Begins, and followed a similar game plan — reboot a classic movie franchise based on an iconic American superhero under the guidance of a critically acclaimed director. Like I was with Batman director Christopher Nolan, I was a fan of Superman director Bryan Singer, who directed one of my favorite movies, The Usual Suspects, as well as the very solid first two X-Men films. So even though I have never been a huge Superman fan (Superman = America as we would like to think we are, Batman = America as we actually are), I was excited to see what Singer would do.
Unfortunately, he turned in a huge, steaming pile of crap, delivering one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen, especially relative to budget, expectations and talent involved. Sure, it’s not Zombie Strippers, but the feeling I had watching Superman Returns was one of tremendous disappointment and then anger at how awful the film is. Part of that comes with the inherent problems with Superman in general (namely, he’s a boring fucking character), but Singer whiffed completely on casting, directing the actors, the themes and the piss-poor story that he co-wrote.
The story begins after Superman (Routh) returns to Earth for the first time in five years after travelling to space to find Krypton. Shockingly, at the EXACT SAME TIME, Clark Kent arrives back at the Daily Planet, where Pulitzer-Prize winning reporter Lois Lane (Bosworth) still works. I love that a Pulitzer Prize winning journalist is not suspicious at all when Superman and Clark Kent each return at the same time after the exact same sabbaticals. Not to mention, his disguise is a *pair of glasses*. Come on, I know this is part of the mythology, but it’s the 21st goddamn Century, can’t we update this at all, in some way or form? There is absolutely no chance that would fool anyone, ever.
Anyway, Lex Luthor (Spacey), after losing his fortune thanks to Superman somehow, has married an old lady to rob her of hers and use the funds to steal Krpytonian crystals to create a new continent because there’s no more land to sell. Or something ridiculous like that. It’s all very predictable and lame, and I’m going to try and not give away spoilers too much, but there is a subplot involving a child who may or may not be Superman’s son (which, like much of the plot, is absolutely stupid) and the finale which involves Superman lifting a continent of Kryptonite out of the ocean, because, well, he believes that he can. Oh, and he’s Jesus Christ — at least, that’s what Singer would want you to think.
Routh was cast, it seems, only because of his uncanny resemblance to a bigger, steroid-era Christopher Reeve, and does nothing to dispel that with his blank slate performance. This works fine as Clark, because Clark is totally lame, but as Superman he shows absolutely zero charisma or likability. Bosworth is an utter disaster as Lane, one of the worst casting choices I’ve ever seen — not only does she look awful and nothing like what Lois should, she brings absolutely nothing to the role. Lois Lane is supposed to be feisty, independent, smart and fiery, and she is none of those thing in this movie, but an unfortunate damsel in distress. I used to watch Lois & Clark, which was a decent show for a couple of seasons, and Teri Hatcher’s Lois was so much better than Bosworth’s horrendous effort.
Spacey and Posey seem to be acting in a different movie, a camp version, apparently. The rest of the movie is so heavy-handed without a hint of humor, yet Singer allowed these two to ham it up and destroy the tone (which may not have been such a bad thing). It is clear that Singer had no cohesive idea for how he wanted the movie to be acted, and that crosses over to the story and the pacing. The movie is 2 1/2 hours long, and I never complain about the length of movies, but it felt like 4 hours long. It was slow, shockingly boring and the action sequences were nothing special. The one positive — it did look fairly good onscreen, but when you spend $150 million, it fucking better.
This isn’t one of the so bad it’s good and worth watching kind of movies. This is one of those so bad, you’ll get angry about wasting so much of your time watching it kind of movies. Batman Begins was a great example of how to restart a franchise, and Superman Returnsis a great example of taking a dead franchise and burying it deeper into the ground. Apparently, they’re making a sequel to it because it made a fair amount of money (an aside: Have you noticed that Routh and Bosworth’s careers have not only not taken off, but completely nosedived?) but I can’t imagine it doing too well, and I certainly will not be seeing it.
Grade: F
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No, Routh was cast because he and Bryan Singer were fucking.
Wow. I didn’t think SUPERMAN RETURNS was quite that bad. But then again, I saw it shortly after watching abomination known as X-MEN 3, so who knows.
I thought Routh did a decent Christopher Reeve impersonation, and Spacey did a good job as Gene Hackman. But I agree that the Jesus Christ analogy was pushing it way too far, and the whole thing with Supes having a kid was pretty lame. However, I loved the opening credits. That was by far the best part.
First off, I stumbled upon this when I was doing a google search for some images I needed for a movie night flier I’m making. With that out of the way, I’d like to give my two cents about why Superman Returns is not as bad as most people think.
Simply put, I’d like to disagree with your review, but you do make some good points now that I take the time to think about what they COULD have done, but didn’t.
Still, Bryan Singer is a phenomenal director and what he made here was an homage to the Richard Donner film; which to many people this was not a wise decision. I remember catching Superman Returns the night it came out at a major theater here in Florida, and the row of people in front of me were die hard Superman fans. After the credits rolled I looked at them, and they were all looking at each other giving shrugs.
Now, I cannot say I felt the same way, because I ended up seeing the film 3 times that summer. Actually, it was my favorite film of that particular summer and it still is very entertaining to this day if you watch it not as a reboot, but as a continuation of what Donner started.
Heavens forbid that a movie try to be a bit more upbeat and lighthearted when it comes to the story/action, but apparently people wanted Superman to be saving the world from non-stop calamities during the entire run of the flick. I understand audiences love CGI-laden action films, but sometimes action has to take a backseat to a bit of drama, and Superman Returns, in my honest opinion did deliver that.
Your complaints about Kate Bosworth are right on, but underneath the bad acting I actually did empathize with Superman’s plight to win her over still after all these years. Speaking of Kevin Spacey and Parker Posey, they reminded me of Gene Hackman and his wench from the first film; so in that regards Singer serviced these characters just fine. Not to mention Clark’s struggle with being a demigod always makes for a dramatic affair.
I really don’t want to nitpick your review, but I went into this movie with a completely different mindset then you apparently, and you know what that’s cool yo. Not everyone was going to like this movie, and it’s a given that as a result attributed to its poor box-office outing we’ll get a REBOOT soon enough, that is probably way more action packed to boot.
In summation, it’s the subtleties of this film that I enjoyed the most. Stupid stuff like the elevator scene where Clark looks over at Lois and that campy music comes on singing, “Tell me when you will you be mine…….” is a perfect example of what I’m talking about; for me that’s impossible not to get an amusing laugh out of, because as human beings we all long for that meaningful relationship with someone were sometimes too afraid to approach. In Clarks case, even though he has one of the worst disguises of all time (a pair of glasses), he’s still a conflicted character when it comes to love….as we all are.
On top of this quirky nuances is the gnarly musical score that John Williams introduced years ago. Granted they had some other guy come in and modify the score adding the “Returns” theme to it, but you know what it worked just fine, complimenting the film where it needed to be.
I guess it’s a no-brainer that you can see I enjoyed this film as much as the older ones (at least 1 & 2) if not more. I’m upset that Singer isn’t in fact returning and instead the studio is moving on with someone else. As of now I believer there is a rumor going around that Mark Millar attached to the creation of a three-part film series serving as reboot of sorts. This is cool and all, but I really would have liked to have had some closure with the story Singer started in Superman Returns. The whole Super Boy thing, as cheezy as it appeared on the surface, could have made for some cool fight scenes or what not in the follow up film. Alas, that is not happening and I will be happy with whatever they dish out next.
There’s no doubt in my mind that a better Superman film can be made, but for what it’s worth Superman Returns is NOWHERE near as bad as you’re making it out to be. Go re-watch Superman: The Movie and then give Superman Returns another go. Watch it as a film that compliments the Donner era of Superman, not something dark & brooding like The Dark Knight; that type of comparison is just way off base for the two types of characters we’re talking about here.
Пора переименовать блог, присвоив название связанное с доменами 🙂 может хватит про них?
Данный пост реально помог мне принять очень важное для себя решение. За что автору отдельное спасибо. Жду от Вас новых постов!
Интересная тема, Спасибо!
Отличный пост – слов нет. Спасибо.
Big thanks…)